Monday, 11 February 2013

Frust and Mad!!

Entah la sekarang ni rasa emo sangat. Marah dan benci dengan diri sendiri. Actually last post pun I meluahkan perasaan then after publish the post I started thinking there is no point buat post macam tu. People want to see me keep trying. Bukannya tulis post untuk mengadu domba.

I don't know. Betul ke apa yang I buat sekarang. I feel so bad to myself. I hate my workplace. I hate people surrounding me in the workplace. I feel like I don't wanna go to work. I hate when I do not have money to pay 10% deposit to buy a house. I am mad when my 100% housing loan application is unlikely to get approval. I hate when my AF still hasn't coming yet. Hey, 7 days late already. Where are you going? Kenapa taknak muncul2 lagi? I tak pregnant kan. Dah tu datang jelah. Jangan la buat orang susah hati. Benci tengok BBt chart. Benci sangat. Turun naik turun naik. Nampak berpenyakit tau tak. I am sick!! I hate I can't get anything for my life!! This life is so difficult. Ohh, I am so sad...

I know this is not the right time for me to conceive. I just know that I won't be getting pregnant by this month. Currently, I am focusing on buying a house. Therefore, I just hope AF will come just at right time, however today already CD38 and no AF is coming. I did the hpt test this morning, as expected the result was negative. In fact, I do not undergo any other common symptoms of pregnancy. All nausea I felt last time were because of I fall sick. I do not expect AF will late this month because AF for last two months already follow the right cycle which is 31 days. Moreover, looking at the BBT chart just make me feel so down. I am no longer taking the EPO, folic acid, New Obimin and drinking Hi-goat. I am no longer going to the gym and taking care of what I eat, what I drink. I feel a looser. I don't know how to fix all these. Again, I feel like a loser.

I tak layak jadi kawan TTC korang untuk dijadikan panduan. I am having a hard time now. Sorry, I shouldnt be like this but I am so weak

Current cycle (Jan 2013)

CD38, -ve HPT result

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9 comments:

  1. Unknown11 February 2013 at 22:06

    Atie, sabar & byk istighfar dear. Bila Atie sedih, kena fikir yg Atie masih baru berTTC, ada yg dah bertahun2, malah berpuluh2 tahun. Allah uji kita bukan sekejap sebab Allah suka dengar kita mengangkat tangan memohon doa dariNya. Allah suka bila kita ingat kat Dia. Mungkin bila dikurniakan kesenangan mendapat anak kita tak selalu menadah tangan macam sekarang. Lgpun Atie belum cuba dgn apa2 rawatan lagikan? Insyaallah suatu hari nanti Allah perkenankan doa Atie. Sabar ye dear. Buat masa sekarang, cuba ambil supplement2 lain dulu buat sementara waktu sebelum mulakan treatment. Mcm saya dah cuba amalkan Jus Perawan, alhamdulillah bulan ni period datang awal sgt...CD22. Last month CD50 tau. Tapi bulan depan tak tahu lagi mcmn. Kalau ok, saya akan teruskan dgn Jus Perawan. Jgn stress2 k sebab stress mmg akan buatkan hormon kita ni ting tong. Saya tgh period ni dpt rasa, bila stress, darah tu byk keluar tau.

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  2. Syazni Shamsir12 February 2013 at 10:06

    Assalam atie...

    jgn mcm ni ye...it's not good for you..ade hikmah disebalik semua ni..saya dulu pon mcm awak jugak,selalu stress...;)...think positive ye...InsyaAllah,Allah ganti yg lebih baik....

    take care

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  3. Butterfly12 February 2013 at 14:46

    Salam atie...jgn cepat rase putus asa dan sedih...mmg kita yang ber'ttc' ni ada masa turun & naik...kejap kita bersemangat untuk ttc kejap kita rasa kenapalah Allah beri ujian yang berat sgt ni...Ya mmg kite boleh sedih dan frust tapi jgn terlalu bersedih dan berputus asa sbb syaitan sentiasa menghasut kita supaya ada perasaan marah dan geram...even saya pun pernah tak period sampai 3 bulan & sebelum tu tak pernah pun lama mcm tu....hari2 saya fikir kenapa la saya tak period2 lagi ni…. …Actually lagi byk kita fikir dan stress lagi period akan delay….Jadi tenangkan hati, bykkan berdoa kepada Allah dan baca quran..Insyallah bila hati tenang semuanya dipermudahkan..Saya doakan semoga semuanya dipermudahkan buat atie….

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  4. sweet tooth12 February 2013 at 23:34

    Hi dear, pls do remember that u are allowed to have 'downtime'. If u feel like crying, just cry... If u feel like getting mad, just burst it out. But don't dwell on it. Pick urself up after u allow yourself to feel the pain n frustration. We are human afterall. But u know what? Mengadu lah padaNya. He is closer than u think He is. If u feel like talking to smone, e-mail me k. Smtimes we'll feel better after talking with smone. Take care dear :-)

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  5. Nina Aman13 February 2013 at 08:26

    Atie, lps nina bace entry jay yg galakkan all TTCian utk lbh bersemangat n +ve, i was like, "Uh, i'm sick of being unhappy n less motivated."

    Come on Atie, jgn mcm ni. Jgn rasa down. Pegang kate2 ni, "Perancangan Allah lebih baik."

    Nina pn skrg ni alhamdulillah dah janji x nak sedih2. Dh x nak elak2 jumpa org dah..Just ckp n senyum kat org tu,"Tolong doakan saya ye."

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  6. JayFarhana13 February 2013 at 11:56

    i feel u!
    kite smua penah rasa semua ni.
    ok, tarik nafassss dalam2....hembuss...

    take ur time. takpe, kalau marah n bengang skang, takpe. let it go. lepaskan. tapi jgn lupa, solat n berdoa byk2 pada Allah. ni semua ujian.

    Allah tu menguji kita kerana Dia AMAT sayangkan kita.

    :) *hugssss*

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  7. JayFarhana13 February 2013 at 11:57

    i feel u!
    kite smua penah rasa semua ni.
    ok, tarik nafassss dalam2....hembuss...

    take ur time. takpe, kalau marah n bengang skang, takpe. let it go. lepaskan. tapi jgn lupa, solat n berdoa byk2 pada Allah. ni semua ujian.

    Allah tu menguji kita kerana Dia AMAT sayangkan kita.

    :) *hugssss*

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  8. Unknown13 February 2013 at 14:04

    takpe. luah je marah tu puas2. biaq pi la org nak kate apa pasal entry u. ni kan blog u, lantak pi la kan. I've been there, rase byk bende serba tak kena. tapi insyaAllah dalam pada marah, bile kita ingat Allah. lama2 nanti kite nampak rasionalnya kenapa benda2 mcm ni jadi kat kite semua. kite semua will be touched by Allah's way menduga kite. Ganjarannya priceless.
    Tabah ye dear.

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  9. Eika Azis13 February 2013 at 17:06

    Sabar ye awak.. InsyaAllah ada rezeki nanti.. Takpe, nangislah kalau rasa kecewa. Tapi lepas tu bangkit balik. Jangan pernah putus harap dengan Allah ya..

    ReplyDelete

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