The reality that we have to face

I just met the Dr yesterday. It was really painful. My heart just broken. It wasn't me. It was't him. It was because of both of us. We both have fertility problems. I have PCOS and he has problem with the sperm. Sperm number just too small. Gred A sperms was none. Gred B pun sikit. Yang banyak yang lemah je. I was about to cry in the Dr's room tapi I tahan je. Sedih sgt bila tahu both of us problematic. I wish it was just me. So that we could have better chances.

Dr said he had to monitor both of us not either one of us. And the only way is go for IUI or IVF. He did explain the cost of the procedures. Of course time sexual index (TSI) is FOC. Kalau IUI, the cost is about RM600 not including medicines. Plus ubat maybe around RM2-3k. IVF? Around RM10k plus medicines.     
I was ask to do the HSG. I don't know yet what it is all about but i will find out more by surfing. What I know it was done to check keadaan tube folopian. If mine is ok (no blokage), then Dr nasihatkan kami teruskan dgn prosedur IUI. My case transferred to MAC, HUKM. No need to go to O&G anymore. To me this is fast. Yes, i want it to best fast. But i don't think physically I am ready. I am still obese. What would be the percentage to be success? Dr kept saying we just need ONE strong swimmer. Can we have one? If we do, does the procedure will be success? Dr can't even answer that sebab semuanya ketentuan Ilahi. I am so afraid...I realise that hanya Allah yang dapat bantu. Dr is just helping tapi yang menentukan adalah Allah s.w.t.

As for now, Dr explained I have PCOS. A lot of follicles yg tak membesar jadi telur. He said mine was looks like rantai mutiara. It was hurt to hear that. Rasa nak nangis masa tu. I tahan je. It must be plenty of them. Just imagine how rantai mutiara looks like. I asked him about my uterus. ...Dia kata rahim I ok..I tanya I ada RU ke. Then he said I hadn't. Pap smear punya result pun menunjukkan everything is fine.

As for now, I am thankful to Allah s.w.t because finally I know what went wrong with us. Even it is hurt but both of us must accept that. Initially DH feels sad as well. He seem so difficult to accept the result. In fact, he thinks the result was not valid since we did have sexual intercourse 3 days before he donated his semen to be analysed. I told him he might right but it wont be much different because the result showed very2 low sperm quality & quantity (Q&Q). I know he was hurt. I kept telling him not to worry and we will do something to improve the sperms. I told him no longer to eat processed food and he noded. I could see he really determined that from his expression. I don't know it was a joke or not, but a few minutes of silence, he asked me to make medium rare eggs everyday for him. He started thinking to improve his swimmers and I am happy for that.

Dr prescribed me with Metformin and Diane 35. He did explained what they use for but I forget because my mind was not there. I will google to find out about the medicines. Dr asked DH to take zink and I told him that my husband already consume zink daily even before the test was done. Dr terkejut dan tanya dah bape lama makan. DH couldn't answer sebab dia pun tak pasti dah berapa lama. I told Dr it was about 1 month. But actually it was 2 months before the sperm test. Dr told us that taking zinc will only show the result after 70 days. I was surprise that after 2 months taking zinc and vit E, the sperm Q&Q still very very low. What should I do to help him?? DH must be very disappointed.

Now, what I need to do as an obese PCOSer is to loose weight. As much as possible. Besides gynea, I met dietician. After 1 month since my last meeting with her, I loose only 1 kg. She's expecting me to loose 2-4kg. Actually i already did lost 3kgs but when I buat makan2 kat rumah, every weekend balik kampung, attend macam2 kursus and meeting, I just lost control. Berat naik balik... this time she advised me not to eat a lot during berbuka. 1 senduk nasi, any protien, vegetables, kurma 3 biji, 1 shj gelas air manis. Kalau nak makan kuih jgn minum air manis. If i woud like to eat fruit, tak boleh banyak sangat. Anggur boleh makan up to 6 biji shj sehari. Kalau mangga boleh mkn sebelah shj. Epal boleh mkn 1 biji shj. Ini mmg susah sebab I memang hantu buah. I perlu ada determination. Nothing else to think about. Everything for my own health. To concieve! To live longer! To live in peace and happiness. My next appointmet with her will be after raya on 5th September. She really wants to monitor my weight loss closely. So, raya nanti I tak boleh la nak makan banyak...See, pandaikan Dr!

OMG, I wrote almost everything here. Looks like an essay. The rojak one. I just want to share and for my own good of recording the TTC journey. So officially I was diagnosed with PCOS and DH has problem with sperm Q&Q. Next appointment to meet gynea will be in October. Why so late? Dr wants it to be lepas raya Aidilfitri but I asked to meet him on October because kalau jadi pergi kursus I will leaving Malaysia a month. From middle of Sept to middle of October. 

Ok, that's all for now. Happy fasting! 

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