Friday, 12 July 2013

The reality that we have to face

I just met the Dr yesterday. It was really painful. My heart just broken. It wasn't me. It was't him. It was because of both of us. We both have fertility problems. I have PCOS and he has problem with the sperm. Sperm number just too small. Gred A sperms was none. Gred B pun sikit. Yang banyak yang lemah je. I was about to cry in the Dr's room tapi I tahan je. Sedih sgt bila tahu both of us problematic. I wish it was just me. So that we could have better chances.

Dr said he had to monitor both of us not either one of us. And the only way is go for IUI or IVF. He did explain the cost of the procedures. Of course time sexual index (TSI) is FOC. Kalau IUI, the cost is about RM600 not including medicines. Plus ubat maybe around RM2-3k. IVF? Around RM10k plus medicines.     
I was ask to do the HSG. I don't know yet what it is all about but i will find out more by surfing. What I know it was done to check keadaan tube folopian. If mine is ok (no blokage), then Dr nasihatkan kami teruskan dgn prosedur IUI. My case transferred to MAC, HUKM. No need to go to O&G anymore. To me this is fast. Yes, i want it to best fast. But i don't think physically I am ready. I am still obese. What would be the percentage to be success? Dr kept saying we just need ONE strong swimmer. Can we have one? If we do, does the procedure will be success? Dr can't even answer that sebab semuanya ketentuan Ilahi. I am so afraid...I realise that hanya Allah yang dapat bantu. Dr is just helping tapi yang menentukan adalah Allah s.w.t.

As for now, Dr explained I have PCOS. A lot of follicles yg tak membesar jadi telur. He said mine was looks like rantai mutiara. It was hurt to hear that. Rasa nak nangis masa tu. I tahan je. It must be plenty of them. Just imagine how rantai mutiara looks like. I asked him about my uterus. ...Dia kata rahim I ok..I tanya I ada RU ke. Then he said I hadn't. Pap smear punya result pun menunjukkan everything is fine.

As for now, I am thankful to Allah s.w.t because finally I know what went wrong with us. Even it is hurt but both of us must accept that. Initially DH feels sad as well. He seem so difficult to accept the result. In fact, he thinks the result was not valid since we did have sexual intercourse 3 days before he donated his semen to be analysed. I told him he might right but it wont be much different because the result showed very2 low sperm quality & quantity (Q&Q). I know he was hurt. I kept telling him not to worry and we will do something to improve the sperms. I told him no longer to eat processed food and he noded. I could see he really determined that from his expression. I don't know it was a joke or not, but a few minutes of silence, he asked me to make medium rare eggs everyday for him. He started thinking to improve his swimmers and I am happy for that.

Dr prescribed me with Metformin and Diane 35. He did explained what they use for but I forget because my mind was not there. I will google to find out about the medicines. Dr asked DH to take zink and I told him that my husband already consume zink daily even before the test was done. Dr terkejut dan tanya dah bape lama makan. DH couldn't answer sebab dia pun tak pasti dah berapa lama. I told Dr it was about 1 month. But actually it was 2 months before the sperm test. Dr told us that taking zinc will only show the result after 70 days. I was surprise that after 2 months taking zinc and vit E, the sperm Q&Q still very very low. What should I do to help him?? DH must be very disappointed.

Now, what I need to do as an obese PCOSer is to loose weight. As much as possible. Besides gynea, I met dietician. After 1 month since my last meeting with her, I loose only 1 kg. She's expecting me to loose 2-4kg. Actually i already did lost 3kgs but when I buat makan2 kat rumah, every weekend balik kampung, attend macam2 kursus and meeting, I just lost control. Berat naik balik... this time she advised me not to eat a lot during berbuka. 1 senduk nasi, any protien, vegetables, kurma 3 biji, 1 shj gelas air manis. Kalau nak makan kuih jgn minum air manis. If i woud like to eat fruit, tak boleh banyak sangat. Anggur boleh makan up to 6 biji shj sehari. Kalau mangga boleh mkn sebelah shj. Epal boleh mkn 1 biji shj. Ini mmg susah sebab I memang hantu buah. I perlu ada determination. Nothing else to think about. Everything for my own health. To concieve! To live longer! To live in peace and happiness. My next appointmet with her will be after raya on 5th September. She really wants to monitor my weight loss closely. So, raya nanti I tak boleh la nak makan banyak...See, pandaikan Dr!

OMG, I wrote almost everything here. Looks like an essay. The rojak one. I just want to share and for my own good of recording the TTC journey. So officially I was diagnosed with PCOS and DH has problem with sperm Q&Q. Next appointment to meet gynea will be in October. Why so late? Dr wants it to be lepas raya Aidilfitri but I asked to meet him on October because kalau jadi pergi kursus I will leaving Malaysia a month. From middle of Sept to middle of October. 

Ok, that's all for now. Happy fasting! 

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24 comments:

  1. Sabar ye atie.. Ramai sebenarnye yg senasib dgn kita.. yg penting sentiasa berusaha dan berdoa..

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    1. Thanks sizuka...in shaa Allah saya tak akan putus asa

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  2. tuhan beri kita dugaan, supaya kita makin dekat dgn Dia.
    sabar ye, sama2 lah kita...

    Insyaallah, ada jalan utk awak dan husband..

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    1. Amin...in shaa Allah. We have to be strong

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  3. Xsilap saya..dr. zubaidi pernah share satu produk untuk increase sperm..kalau saya dah jumpa saya bagi link ya... banyakkan bersabar ye..semoga ada rezeki untuk kita nanti..amin..

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  4. Dear shasha, tq bg link. I dah baca. In shaa Allah I akan beli supplement tu.

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    1. u r welcome...xpe..sme2x kongsi maklumat.. :)

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    2. Shasha, ur husband pernah mkn Proxeed ni ke?

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  5. jom jom kita kurangkan berat bulan puasa ni, atie. :)

    kita bakar semangat sama-sama.

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    1. Jom!! Tak sabar nak turunkan berkilo2 berat. Dietician kata kene buat workout jugak bulan puasa ni baru betul kurus sebab bakar lemak bukan hilang air dlm bdn semata2.

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  6. Atie, hugs... i don't have words to comfort u. But i doakan Allah memudahkan jalan you untuk memperolehi cahayamata. Semoga dengan ujian ini, Allah akan ganjarkan kesabaran u and hubby dengan kebaikan di dunia & akhirat. Amin...

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    1. Amin...bila dah tahu apa masalah ktorg I syukur walau pun sebenarnye mmg hati kami sedih. In shaa Allah pasti ada jalan. I tak nak putus asa

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  7. Atie...i pun pcos jugak...takde telur even dh mkn clomid berbijik2...i rasa u jgn start dulu that IUI n what-so-ever tu..dh try supplement himalaya sperman? tryla atie...kalau 2 bln x ok, baru u consider IUI tu sume..

    My gynae pulak siap ckp kalau FSH jabs tak jalan, dia nak buat laparoscopy kat i..huuu...seriau dgr!

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    1. Hai nina. Ur husband got problem with sperms as well ke? Belum try sperman. Dah pg cari tapi asyik xde je. Betul2 bagus ke sperman tu?

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    2. atie, DH is fine. i je pcos. tp byk review yg i baca psl sperman tu.

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  8. Hai atie. farhah baru singgah blog u ni kot? xpenah nampak before. farhah mtk izin nak simpan link kt blog farhah ye. anyway, farhah baru nak check untuk PCOS whether nak tau ade PCOS atau tak. bile bace blog atie ni. rase sedih sgt. tapi atie, look in a positive way, Allah swt nak nina and husband belaja something and appreciate this journey inshaallah :)

    hubby farhah makan speman himalaya untuk sperm die. so far, nampak perbezaan air mani tuuu. some people try for kapikachhu himalaya. untuk increase kan sperm count. try laaa. org kate jugak, ia berkesan after 3 months la. sebab diperbuat dari herbs kan. take time skit. inshaallah boleh :) cume Allah swt letakkan kite as TTC ni sebab tertentu. mungkin antaranya kite adelah hamba yg tabah dan kuat untuk journey sebegini :)

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    1. Hai farhah. Thanks for dropping here. Actually my husband consume zinc complex Shaklee together with Kapikachu Himalaya. I hope after second time of analysis, there will be some improvement.

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  9. Salam atie...bersabar ye dear..ape yang atie lalui ni hampir sama dgn situasi butterfly dulu.. butterfly ade pcos + ru. Hubby pun mmg ade mslh dgn sperm - sperm count less than 10mil 1st checkup. Within 3 months after consumed sperman + kapikachu Himalaya - sperm count naik double and 3 months after that increased almost 30-40 mil..even aspect lain pun improve a lots.. HB kene byk relaks - jgn bagi die stress, & byk kene jage pemakanan..butterfly doakan semuanya dipermudahkan buat atie.. In Shaa Allah. Setiap perancangan Allah itu pasti ade hikmahnya.

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    1. Butterfly...if you dont mind boleh x share pemakanan yg macamana baik untuk hubby yg ada masalah sperm?

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  10. Assalam dear...ye ke...tq bg good review dan nasihat. In shaa Allah I akan buat yg terbaik. I nak beli sperman tp kat tempat i tinggal ni susah nak dpt. Even kt KL Sogo pun xde tiap kali i pergi

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  11. sabar ye.saya pon masih belum dikurniakan zuriat...ttg HSG tu betul utk tgk blockage.saya aritu dh wat kat KPJ.sakit sket mcm sakit perot.but Dr says it depends pd org.kadang ada sampai demam.hope awak n husband cpt dikurniakn baby.bykkan doa k :)

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  12. salam atie.. akk pun PCOSer. penah scan & doc ckp mcm rantai mutiara. Ada fibroid juga.. Lps tu consume jus delima gulsan untuk hilangkan fibroid. After 2yrs alhamdulilah mengandung w/out treatment & lps bersalin pun fibroid masih ada till now.Doc cakap something miracle. sampai skrg masih consume jus delima & habatusauda (hubby pun ambil jugak). wish fibroid dapat mengecil atau hilang w/out operation.
    In sha Allah atie pun boleh baik & dpt baby

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